he moved stuff out today. its the first muggy day this year, there was the first tornado watch. i cant stop listening to bjork. i cant help but think my cat oz loves this weather, maybe because he is grey, or because it makes his eyes look so green, or because he is so sinister, or because im fucking crazy. i dont have any good insight on anything today, but ive got a lot of great shoes <<<< that is what the majority of carrie bradshaw's articles would write like if she were a real woman.
Things I didnt do Today:
shower
make the bed
make breakfast
do the dishes
take out the trash
clean the cat box
go to work
sweep
pay bills
sort out student loan information
sort out student visa information
Things I did Today:
pouted in bed until 2pm
wore a brown jacket with black shoes out
went to baby powder my hair and was out of baby powder
used baking soda on hair instead...
had a smoke
spent the last of my money on a delicious sandwich
mocked a mean guy behind his back
obsessively checked the weather report
listened to bjork
picked up last nights beer bottles
unstuck gum from the wood floors
Monday, March 12, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Your mother got scared and locked the door. You were only four, but lord you remember it. So now you're scared of love, I'm here to tell you loves not some fucking blood on the receiver.
Free Writtin' on the bus:
So cold, so FUCKING COLD/FUCK/FUCK/FUCK! Stop Writing! Yo hands be freazin!
Sittin at the bus stop for michigan works//people give you shitty looks.
when ya dont have a cleanex...its ok to use a sock you found in your purse.
what was the name of that fuzzy green eastern market cheese??
miss you detroit.
detroit=beautiful/shaped my garndparents/shaped my parents=me.
got my yooper grandma and my detroit grandma/guess which one says shit more.
grandaughter of a cop = bad fucking karma 4 life.
jailbird daddy + prison punk uncle = bitch face
when shit was goin down---grandaddy skipped outta town on his bike goin south, bought himself a new lady and a biker bar with his heart and his liver.
mom and dad ran off to portland without the kids, ditch 'em with a friend, come back and do it all over again.
ice + van > cop car.
ma said: every girl wants to be with a pirate but no girl wants to live on a pirate ship///ma made me want my own pirate ship.
//only pussys sell their mopeds//
so many poor kids that went off to private colleges, we fucked up. it didnt make no difference----until 6 months after dropping out.
class traitors make the best lovers, they're always trying.
i dont belong in west michigan////the dangers of a beautiful campus
cricket shakes made me fat, and then i had a love affair with the city/////////////////
/////but all love affairs die
seeing the skyline without the wires, please and thank you.
punk chick running for the bus. its ok grrrl! catch yo breath! but youre so cute when youre flushed.
liquor store boys said they felt bad for enabling me---i said its wednesday.
free packa vagina slimes for e'rbody.
ear gauged cutie, you fixed my van, then you broke my <3. ////$$$$
So cold, so FUCKING COLD/FUCK/FUCK/FUCK! Stop Writing! Yo hands be freazin!
Sittin at the bus stop for michigan works//people give you shitty looks.
when ya dont have a cleanex...its ok to use a sock you found in your purse.
what was the name of that fuzzy green eastern market cheese??
miss you detroit.
detroit=beautiful/shaped my garndparents/shaped my parents=me.
got my yooper grandma and my detroit grandma/guess which one says shit more.
grandaughter of a cop = bad fucking karma 4 life.
jailbird daddy + prison punk uncle = bitch face
when shit was goin down---grandaddy skipped outta town on his bike goin south, bought himself a new lady and a biker bar with his heart and his liver.
mom and dad ran off to portland without the kids, ditch 'em with a friend, come back and do it all over again.
ice + van > cop car.
ma said: every girl wants to be with a pirate but no girl wants to live on a pirate ship///ma made me want my own pirate ship.
//only pussys sell their mopeds//
so many poor kids that went off to private colleges, we fucked up. it didnt make no difference----until 6 months after dropping out.
class traitors make the best lovers, they're always trying.
i dont belong in west michigan////the dangers of a beautiful campus
cricket shakes made me fat, and then i had a love affair with the city/////////////////
/////but all love affairs die
seeing the skyline without the wires, please and thank you.
punk chick running for the bus. its ok grrrl! catch yo breath! but youre so cute when youre flushed.
liquor store boys said they felt bad for enabling me---i said its wednesday.
free packa vagina slimes for e'rbody.
ear gauged cutie, you fixed my van, then you broke my <3. ////$$$$
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Laura, can't you give me some time, I got to give myself one more chance. To be the man that I know I am.
it is epically cloudy and windy as all get out today, this weather just screams great lakes and the end of winter. i am a total lake enthusiast. i cant imagine not growing up near one. my memories are full of catching frogs and turtles just to make a new friend for the day, and then being taught to throw them back to the wild because they will be happier there, and not eating the baby fishies who never had a chance. lake culture is really cool that way, lakes have such an obvious and yet complex ecosystem that it really is a good teacher in respecting nature. you cant look at lake michigan during sunrise or sunset and not fall in love with the lake. and i know that sounds like the corniest thing in the entire world, and im still not afraid to say it because it's an undeniable truth. i love my cities and sprawling metropolis wasteland that i have forced myself to think of as beautiful, but i will always need to be able to escape from that. today my city looked beautiful though, even shrouded in clouds. i had the rare opportunity to walk around during a weekday today. which is great if you ever get to do that, i saw some punk teenagers hanging out outside my local coffee place and a mom pushing her kids in a two seater stroller that looked right out of the 80's. i saw corporate asshole looking busy and i saw hip kids trying to look poor smoking nice cigarettes and poor kids looking hip sharing cigarettes. i saw a bum, a lot of bank security and cop trying to be sneaky, i saw trash swirling in the wind outside a fancy resteraunt. i want to remember it that way always. im waking up earlier again, im sitting outside more, im positive.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
like a liar at a witch trial, you look good for your age.
im getting so fat. its gross. i've just been eating crappy crappy food and sitting at a desk around 50 hours a week. it sucks how we are living in this sedentary society, where working is just sitting at your computer or desk and feeling completely isolated from everyone else around you. you sit there and you munch on candy because you need some kind of endorphins to get you through the 8-10 hours of fluorescent hell you live in 5 days a week. and to top it off the same society that breeds our sedentary lifestyle also puts a huge amount of pressure on women to be so thin. i mean i totally play into it too, i am neurotically sitting in the palm of beauty magazines' hands, drinking cosmos that have more calories than a hamburger, trying to still feel as glamorous as they want me to be. so i have decided to cut my 11 hour day into an 8 hour day and go get my membership at the gym back. which sucks because gyms are sick...tubby old pervs watching your tatas jiggle around on the elliptical while you are stuck staring at wonder woman's ass in front of you. if you have ever been to a gym you know what im talking about. there is always one woman there who is sooo fit you cant help but hate her, she is effortlessly running about 1million miles while simultaneously flipping through fitness magazine, or even worse, home and garden. she could get off and give you $100 and rescue a puppy all in the same 5 minutes and part of you would still hate her. well maybe not all of you, or even most of you, maybe youre not all bitter bitches.
lets see, something positive?
hmmm...well i get to watch jennifer's body tonight for the 20th time. i dont care who you are, if you dont get why that movie is so funny/great we cant reeeaaallly be friends. I would begin a super long rant about why it is so good but i would never want to spoil a drop of the pure gold that that film is, you'll just have to watch it...
and i also found a great drinking game online last night to go with arrested development, it was tested out as well and i would say it gets the job done. one key part of the game drink whenever anyone says "banana stand" or banana, and the one i added which worked well, was anytime somebody drinks. this last part was great in pretty much any scene with lucille.
Later this week i get to see one of the loves of my life at a drag version of wicked. so hyped to go to that and have some drinks with him! i only wish i could chill with him all weekend, it is kind of rough having some of your very best friends live over 2 hours away. I seriously believe that those friends know me better in some aspects than anyone in my current town. I have never really found anyone else i have clicked so much with outside of that group of friends and i really hope when we start with the big move to TO that i will see them even more. OH and more good news! my partner took a test to see if he would qualify for an open work permit to canada and he totally does, so i really feel like a big worry has been lifted off my shoulder. i feel like things are already in motion, if i dont end up in toronto then for some other big change in my life. i feel like 2012 is going to really hold a lot for me, that or ill just die in december with everyone else on earth....
lets see, something positive?
hmmm...well i get to watch jennifer's body tonight for the 20th time. i dont care who you are, if you dont get why that movie is so funny/great we cant reeeaaallly be friends. I would begin a super long rant about why it is so good but i would never want to spoil a drop of the pure gold that that film is, you'll just have to watch it...
and i also found a great drinking game online last night to go with arrested development, it was tested out as well and i would say it gets the job done. one key part of the game drink whenever anyone says "banana stand" or banana, and the one i added which worked well, was anytime somebody drinks. this last part was great in pretty much any scene with lucille.
Later this week i get to see one of the loves of my life at a drag version of wicked. so hyped to go to that and have some drinks with him! i only wish i could chill with him all weekend, it is kind of rough having some of your very best friends live over 2 hours away. I seriously believe that those friends know me better in some aspects than anyone in my current town. I have never really found anyone else i have clicked so much with outside of that group of friends and i really hope when we start with the big move to TO that i will see them even more. OH and more good news! my partner took a test to see if he would qualify for an open work permit to canada and he totally does, so i really feel like a big worry has been lifted off my shoulder. i feel like things are already in motion, if i dont end up in toronto then for some other big change in my life. i feel like 2012 is going to really hold a lot for me, that or ill just die in december with everyone else on earth....
Friday, January 13, 2012
I've been for a walk on a winter's day I'd be safe and warm if I was in L.A California Dreamin' on such a winter's day
im so conceited. i feel like having a blog is the most conceited thing a person can do. who gives a fuck what im writing about? i guess ill just write to write.
im getting antsy to leave this town. im getting antsy in my life. im feeling like crap about it, everyone around me is awesome and im just acting like a winy baby. i have more than i even deserve and i cant stop wondering what more i could have somewhere else. maybe it was because i just had a birthday. i feel old, even though im not, i feel like i havent had enough experiences yet even though i have.
its snowing a lot here. it wasnt even cold this week. 2 days ago i went to the beach. i had my shoes off, it was awesome, now i need to wear boots outside. this year is off to a weird start...
im getting antsy to leave this town. im getting antsy in my life. im feeling like crap about it, everyone around me is awesome and im just acting like a winy baby. i have more than i even deserve and i cant stop wondering what more i could have somewhere else. maybe it was because i just had a birthday. i feel old, even though im not, i feel like i havent had enough experiences yet even though i have.
its snowing a lot here. it wasnt even cold this week. 2 days ago i went to the beach. i had my shoes off, it was awesome, now i need to wear boots outside. this year is off to a weird start...
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
damage on the mic dont manage
Im jonesing for eggs and OJ.
On a semi related note i am really in the mood to have a potluck at my place. however i have a tiny ass kitchen and a tiny ass table. i guess i could have people chillaxin on the floor but i feel like my cats would attack them too much...and i want it to be some kind of costume thing. maybe get dressed ultra fancy or something like that i dont know. i just worry because between andrew and i we have groups of friends who are very non straight edge and ones who are very yuhs straightedge and so i feel like we have to seperate the two when we have gatherings. which is dumb. its dumb but nobody is really at fault on either side, it just creates an awkward dynamic to be like "hey people may be getting down with some substances" haha or say "hey no getting down folks". I, myself, have been mega cuttng down on getting down (if you dont count last night where i got pretty drunk by 8pm but that was because i was being bought free drinks and those are just rude to refuse) and have really been enjoying it.
like i was really depressed last winter. i think that it is because i was just like "fuck it, its winter, its cold, and im just gonna drink and what not" and that really only made it worse in my opinion. I was really unmotivated to do anything fun like have snowball fights or go sledding. Since, i have cut down on drinking and whatnot and i have been much much happier. I have been having better conversations with people, feel healthier, and have been more motivated to go out and make more friends. which leads me to the conclusion i came to once i saw the first snow last week, which is: you need all the friends you can get when winter rolls around. end of story. when that frozen rain starts to cover every inch of your world and dominate your every aspect of living, you need people around you.
Last night i was sitting on my front balcony with a friend (lets call him ryan because that is his name). And you know, im just pointing out houses on my street where cool neighbors live and telling stories about them and it gets us into this conversation about winter and the commrodery that occurs in communities that experience winter. Like someone gets snowed in or their car gets stuck on the street, you just get the fuck up and push their car or help shovel them out or give them a ride. it doesn't matter that for the past 9 months you haven't even said boo to eachother you just connect because winter is rough and you need people to be your sunshine. On the flipside, summer in a four seasons region can really bring communities together too. You know that winter is coming eventually, or you just got out of being a hermit for 5 months, and the sun is out again, and everyone is chillin out on their porches just soaking up the vitamin D like sponges screamin "Hello and Howdy!" to everyone walking past because you are all so happy you survived winter and isnt this weather just amazing how could you not smile at everyone walking past?
And then there is fall. Fall is just beautiful. Fall is the feeling of change hitting you right in the fucking face. I love it, people just walking around in the chilly air wearing awesome sweaters and marveling at how the process of leaves dying on trees is gorgeous, and it is. and it reminds you how death is ever present and natural but beautiful at the same time, because who would really ever want to live forever?
I digress, I am done smoking. That was at the heart of this rambling blog entry. Its fine every once in a while i guess but it is not for me all the time. Maybe at one point it was but not anymore. I am finding my release and my relaxation through getting up and out and doing things, meeting new people, or even just connecting more with people i have known for a while. Hell, I am even cleaning my house more and doing more obnoxious errands and tasks which feels great to not have shit just hanging over my head. Plus, I remember all of my dreams which is awesome. So anyway, I hope to have a potluck soon and i hope people come and have fun.
On a semi related note i am really in the mood to have a potluck at my place. however i have a tiny ass kitchen and a tiny ass table. i guess i could have people chillaxin on the floor but i feel like my cats would attack them too much...and i want it to be some kind of costume thing. maybe get dressed ultra fancy or something like that i dont know. i just worry because between andrew and i we have groups of friends who are very non straight edge and ones who are very yuhs straightedge and so i feel like we have to seperate the two when we have gatherings. which is dumb. its dumb but nobody is really at fault on either side, it just creates an awkward dynamic to be like "hey people may be getting down with some substances" haha or say "hey no getting down folks". I, myself, have been mega cuttng down on getting down (if you dont count last night where i got pretty drunk by 8pm but that was because i was being bought free drinks and those are just rude to refuse) and have really been enjoying it.
like i was really depressed last winter. i think that it is because i was just like "fuck it, its winter, its cold, and im just gonna drink and what not" and that really only made it worse in my opinion. I was really unmotivated to do anything fun like have snowball fights or go sledding. Since, i have cut down on drinking and whatnot and i have been much much happier. I have been having better conversations with people, feel healthier, and have been more motivated to go out and make more friends. which leads me to the conclusion i came to once i saw the first snow last week, which is: you need all the friends you can get when winter rolls around. end of story. when that frozen rain starts to cover every inch of your world and dominate your every aspect of living, you need people around you.
Last night i was sitting on my front balcony with a friend (lets call him ryan because that is his name). And you know, im just pointing out houses on my street where cool neighbors live and telling stories about them and it gets us into this conversation about winter and the commrodery that occurs in communities that experience winter. Like someone gets snowed in or their car gets stuck on the street, you just get the fuck up and push their car or help shovel them out or give them a ride. it doesn't matter that for the past 9 months you haven't even said boo to eachother you just connect because winter is rough and you need people to be your sunshine. On the flipside, summer in a four seasons region can really bring communities together too. You know that winter is coming eventually, or you just got out of being a hermit for 5 months, and the sun is out again, and everyone is chillin out on their porches just soaking up the vitamin D like sponges screamin "Hello and Howdy!" to everyone walking past because you are all so happy you survived winter and isnt this weather just amazing how could you not smile at everyone walking past?
And then there is fall. Fall is just beautiful. Fall is the feeling of change hitting you right in the fucking face. I love it, people just walking around in the chilly air wearing awesome sweaters and marveling at how the process of leaves dying on trees is gorgeous, and it is. and it reminds you how death is ever present and natural but beautiful at the same time, because who would really ever want to live forever?
I digress, I am done smoking. That was at the heart of this rambling blog entry. Its fine every once in a while i guess but it is not for me all the time. Maybe at one point it was but not anymore. I am finding my release and my relaxation through getting up and out and doing things, meeting new people, or even just connecting more with people i have known for a while. Hell, I am even cleaning my house more and doing more obnoxious errands and tasks which feels great to not have shit just hanging over my head. Plus, I remember all of my dreams which is awesome. So anyway, I hope to have a potluck soon and i hope people come and have fun.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
November 13th, a meaningless day.
in the words of johnny hobo and the freight trains "here's to our lives being meaningless, and how beautiful it is, because freedom doesn't have a purpose" i am feeling rather meaningless, another day of bullshit work to pay off loans that i acquired in a futile attempt to get a degree at a bullshit college. Not so much identifying with the second half of that lyric in which our meaningless lives are quite beautiful, maybe tomorrow i can identify, however tomorrow is a 16 hour work day for this girl, so i am highly doubting that. However one day will come around soon enough I guess.
OK so first blog post...Reader Warning:
1) i am sorry i do not give a shit about proper grammer
2) also do not give two shits about cussing
3) i will probably always have cats walking on my keyboard while im typing this so forgive the typos, that is due to oz and riot.
4) I dont care about proper capitalization, i capitalize whenever i feel LIKE it.
5) My minor was in english lit so keep how awfully written this blog is in the back of your head and then think about how useless such a minor is.
I am currently wishing i had a martini, if i had a martini right now life might seem a little more beautiful, or at least a gin and tonic in a martini glass, at the very least some gin and lemon juice in a glorious red keg cup. however, even though it is noon on a sunday, which for the last year meant mimosa's and free tacos at the bar for "church" i can not drink at noon on sunday today. I now get to go into work at 3:30 until 11:30. And work entails keeping hormonal and emotionally scared teenage girls from killing each other and themselves. which some may find rewarding, however im not really into mood altering pharmaceutical drugs for kids so there are some moral issues im dealing with in that regard.
So this morning instead i am going to content myself with some loud as fuck music, cute as fuck kittens, and brunch, a lost art of cuisine. I am also toying with the idea of deleting my facebook. All of its security issues are scary as all get out, however i am addicted to "social" networking as much as folks are addicted to nicotine, if only it had the side effects of sick teeth, fingernails, and cancer which halted my smoking habits early. But facebook is really freaking me out. My friend teh other day proposed how crazy we would go if everyone's thoughts were shared with everyone else's thoughts as if your brain was a newsfeed, and i can't quite get that idea out of my head. Because it would be much more disturbing than facebook feeds. The issue I have with facebook (which I myself am guilty of too) is how you try to cram your whole identity int oa status or a profile. Yu may not think your doing it but everytime you comment or update anything you either consciously or subconsiously are trying to display a persona which through the internet (THIS BLOG INCLUDED) seems a little dishonest, bull shit, and fake. As I stated im including myself and this blog into that musing, however that was a big motivator to start a blog. To try and see how true and real to myself i can be via the internet. Im guessing i can be about 70% real, but i guess we shall see...
OK so first blog post...Reader Warning:
1) i am sorry i do not give a shit about proper grammer
2) also do not give two shits about cussing
3) i will probably always have cats walking on my keyboard while im typing this so forgive the typos, that is due to oz and riot.
4) I dont care about proper capitalization, i capitalize whenever i feel LIKE it.
5) My minor was in english lit so keep how awfully written this blog is in the back of your head and then think about how useless such a minor is.
I am currently wishing i had a martini, if i had a martini right now life might seem a little more beautiful, or at least a gin and tonic in a martini glass, at the very least some gin and lemon juice in a glorious red keg cup. however, even though it is noon on a sunday, which for the last year meant mimosa's and free tacos at the bar for "church" i can not drink at noon on sunday today. I now get to go into work at 3:30 until 11:30. And work entails keeping hormonal and emotionally scared teenage girls from killing each other and themselves. which some may find rewarding, however im not really into mood altering pharmaceutical drugs for kids so there are some moral issues im dealing with in that regard.
So this morning instead i am going to content myself with some loud as fuck music, cute as fuck kittens, and brunch, a lost art of cuisine. I am also toying with the idea of deleting my facebook. All of its security issues are scary as all get out, however i am addicted to "social" networking as much as folks are addicted to nicotine, if only it had the side effects of sick teeth, fingernails, and cancer which halted my smoking habits early. But facebook is really freaking me out. My friend teh other day proposed how crazy we would go if everyone's thoughts were shared with everyone else's thoughts as if your brain was a newsfeed, and i can't quite get that idea out of my head. Because it would be much more disturbing than facebook feeds. The issue I have with facebook (which I myself am guilty of too) is how you try to cram your whole identity int oa status or a profile. Yu may not think your doing it but everytime you comment or update anything you either consciously or subconsiously are trying to display a persona which through the internet (THIS BLOG INCLUDED) seems a little dishonest, bull shit, and fake. As I stated im including myself and this blog into that musing, however that was a big motivator to start a blog. To try and see how true and real to myself i can be via the internet. Im guessing i can be about 70% real, but i guess we shall see...
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