Im jonesing for eggs and OJ.
On a semi related note i am really in the mood to have a potluck at my place. however i have a tiny ass kitchen and a tiny ass table. i guess i could have people chillaxin on the floor but i feel like my cats would attack them too much...and i want it to be some kind of costume thing. maybe get dressed ultra fancy or something like that i dont know. i just worry because between andrew and i we have groups of friends who are very non straight edge and ones who are very yuhs straightedge and so i feel like we have to seperate the two when we have gatherings. which is dumb. its dumb but nobody is really at fault on either side, it just creates an awkward dynamic to be like "hey people may be getting down with some substances" haha or say "hey no getting down folks". I, myself, have been mega cuttng down on getting down (if you dont count last night where i got pretty drunk by 8pm but that was because i was being bought free drinks and those are just rude to refuse) and have really been enjoying it.
like i was really depressed last winter. i think that it is because i was just like "fuck it, its winter, its cold, and im just gonna drink and what not" and that really only made it worse in my opinion. I was really unmotivated to do anything fun like have snowball fights or go sledding. Since, i have cut down on drinking and whatnot and i have been much much happier. I have been having better conversations with people, feel healthier, and have been more motivated to go out and make more friends. which leads me to the conclusion i came to once i saw the first snow last week, which is: you need all the friends you can get when winter rolls around. end of story. when that frozen rain starts to cover every inch of your world and dominate your every aspect of living, you need people around you.
Last night i was sitting on my front balcony with a friend (lets call him ryan because that is his name). And you know, im just pointing out houses on my street where cool neighbors live and telling stories about them and it gets us into this conversation about winter and the commrodery that occurs in communities that experience winter. Like someone gets snowed in or their car gets stuck on the street, you just get the fuck up and push their car or help shovel them out or give them a ride. it doesn't matter that for the past 9 months you haven't even said boo to eachother you just connect because winter is rough and you need people to be your sunshine. On the flipside, summer in a four seasons region can really bring communities together too. You know that winter is coming eventually, or you just got out of being a hermit for 5 months, and the sun is out again, and everyone is chillin out on their porches just soaking up the vitamin D like sponges screamin "Hello and Howdy!" to everyone walking past because you are all so happy you survived winter and isnt this weather just amazing how could you not smile at everyone walking past?
And then there is fall. Fall is just beautiful. Fall is the feeling of change hitting you right in the fucking face. I love it, people just walking around in the chilly air wearing awesome sweaters and marveling at how the process of leaves dying on trees is gorgeous, and it is. and it reminds you how death is ever present and natural but beautiful at the same time, because who would really ever want to live forever?
I digress, I am done smoking. That was at the heart of this rambling blog entry. Its fine every once in a while i guess but it is not for me all the time. Maybe at one point it was but not anymore. I am finding my release and my relaxation through getting up and out and doing things, meeting new people, or even just connecting more with people i have known for a while. Hell, I am even cleaning my house more and doing more obnoxious errands and tasks which feels great to not have shit just hanging over my head. Plus, I remember all of my dreams which is awesome. So anyway, I hope to have a potluck soon and i hope people come and have fun.
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